cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
