If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
