im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
