she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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