In the future we'll all be gay
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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