How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Im part way to drunk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
