So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
