My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
