my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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