and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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