Girls should come with a carfax report
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
