I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
