You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
