Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
