Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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