im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just sent this text using only my big toe
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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