Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
