i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
