i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
