I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
