so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
