hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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