Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
