i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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