hotel room ftw
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
