Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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