i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
