I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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