I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
