Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
