Will you blow on my dice?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
