Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My life is pants optional.
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