I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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