i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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