she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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