My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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