I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Im part way to drunk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
