My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
