just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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