its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
