i would punch a child for taco bell
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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