Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
