Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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