i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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