My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
