just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
