You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
