Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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