You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
