shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
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I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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