I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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