just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
