My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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