I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
