Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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