Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
