But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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