Don't you send me to vm
we have officially lost it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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