I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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