he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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