dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
