her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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