and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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