he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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