Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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