I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize