You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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