the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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