I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
