I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
