Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Drake has all the answers
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.